….you’re like the Michelle Obama in the lesbian community?”

(Disclaimer:  This blog is pretty hard to compose as if it would’ve been easier a few weeks ago.  However, there’s always those unexpected surprises and miracles that will change the way you feel about LOVE. So if you were expecting the ’women aint shit” blog, then this isn’t it)  

So this seems to be the inevitable question when I share my relationship status.  Well, not the Michelle Obama part, but the 5 words that precede it.  Honestly, this blog will touch base on how I’ve felt about being single up until recently.  Honestly, I’m figuring out as each new days arrives, I’m wrong.

Some say I have commitment issues.  I hold the ideology that I don’t know how to be in a relationship because it’s been so long. Some even say I’m fastidious.  Do I agree with such accusations?  Yes and No!! 

I don’t want you feel sympathy or pity for me when reading this.  I’ve been literally single for five years.  (ok please close your mouth)  But yes, I have!  This has been the biggest blessing bestowed on me. For a while, I’ve felt cursed.  Up until recently, I imagined foreshadowed my life’s mission as a bridesmaid, never a bride.  I was placate in that, so I gave up on the possibility of love.  It took someone special out of the blue to show me different.  I’ve recently learned love, the verb  not the noun to be true and not some fairy tale thought.   Writing has been my relationship and the HER I’ve been referring to in most cases, as most assumed a human form.  Let me be honest, there was a person I considered possibly going to the next level with once upon a time last year, but THANK GOD it didn’t happen.  I’ve dated and had the worst experiences ever.  I was never satisfied. 

Let me be the first to confess that no one who has been single five years is completely satified with  it.  Those who say so are wearing a mask.   However, with me it’s been different. As stated in a previous blog, I’ve been cheated on in every relationship I’ve been in.  My last relationship ended in 2004 but took 3 additional years to let go of completely.  Everyone I met, even in dating would not do me justice because they were not her.  I continued to compare everyone to her and if they lacked in certain areas, I was immediately turned off.  Not to say she had much to offer, but this is not a bashing blog.   So I took a year to myself to figure out what Shenna needed and want, and I decided to enter a relationship with myself.  This has been the best relationship I’ve ever been in. 

Commitment Issues?

 Since then, I’ve met people I found interest in but I’ve never felt I found  the person I’m supposed to have forever with.  Forever?  Nothing is guaranteed to last forever, right?  So what about the person who I want to live happily ever after with?  I’ve even had individuals interested in me; however the feelings were never mutual.  Were they good people? Yes.  What was wrong with them?  They just weren’t what I was into and/or looking for in a partner.  Sometimes they say, “all of good ones get away.”  They also express,” if you love something let it go and if it doesn’t come back to you then it never was.”  Did I allow my soul mate to slip away?  I don’t think so.  If so everyone who didn’t work out would’ve painted a clear picture in my head and not a black silhouette.

 Picky?

Back to the persnickety Shenna…10/10 times if I’m your type chances are 9/10 times you’re not mine.  There is nothing “cocky” about that statement.  It has nothing to do with physical attraction at all.  Very rare am I stimulated mentally.  Very rare does someone keep my interest.  Five years of being single has presented me with a special gift, The Bullshit detector. 

[random] Sometimes an end of a relationship gives me a new reason to enjoy alone time.  It’s pretty hard to remain optimistic when you only hear negative. [thought]

What does Shenna want in a relationship??

First and foremost, I don’t want a relationship.  I want a PARTNERSHIP!  I want someone willing to give me 100% of them.  I refuse to settle for less.  I want companionship, understanding, appreciation, respect, and the list goes on.  I want someone created for me who will allow me to open up and remain free in more ways than one.  You can’t possibly love someone or give yourself unless you are completely free.  My preference is beyond physical.  I want courtship after the title.  I want someone to travel the world with me. (#fact couples who don’t travel together have boring relationships) I want someone closer than my best friend.  I want someone who knows they’re over a million other women in the world but I’m that 1 in a million created and molded for them.  I desire someone who will connect with me on a spiritual level as well.  I want someone who stimulates, inspires, and educates me.  I want to grow.  I want someone with flaws as I come with them.  I’m willing to help carry the “canvas” bags. I want someone to surprise and show me something different.  Show me fairy tales aren’t only in books and on the Disney Channel.  Prove to me that love can feel like forever. Let’s plant seeds of Magnolia trees in fertile soil.   I want someone who looks at me and her eyes reveal her hearts words….  Someone who looks at me and says “That’s HER!…”  Someone worthy of taking home to my family…  Someone who would make me want to hide and keep her to myself, but at the same time share her with the world… Wishful Thoughts??

Random Question/Thought: Sometimes as single women, we need movies like 27 Dresses, He’s just not that into you, and Sex & the City to give us hope.  Deep down inside we all know our knight in shining armor is around the corner willing to rescue us.  Stop looking and that person will find you?  However, deep down inside we are looking.  We already have the perfect mate set in our minds, so we refuse those individuals in line who don’t meet our expectations.  Your perfect mate is pursued in your dreams and/or fantasies even.  They say, there’s somebody for everybody.  They may not come when you call them but when they do, it’s right on time.  So why is Shenna single?  Well who said… (to be continued…..)

As always,

LIVE|laugh|LIVE|love|LIVE!!

Shenna Nanette